The Plight of the Single-Breasted

You may think the decision process surrounding a mastectomy would be a difficult one, but it isn't really. You have cancer and you want to do whatever is necessary not to have cancer. If that's a mastectomy, then that's a mastectomy. After all, I was hardly worried about having to nurse a child at a post-menopausal 48. Although, in the spirit of full-disclosure, last fall I did decide I was going to embrace my cleavage and even bought a few new v-necked tops - quite out of character for me, as I spent most of my adult life ensuring I was wearing a top that did not offer a peep show. So much for that idea. But I digress and it's just the first paragraph.

Actually, the decision about what to do after the mastectomy has way more options than I would have thought possible and none of them conducive to my choice. I had to make the initial decision regarding reconstruction on that phone call with Dr. Majercik when he called to inform me of the necessity of the mastectomy - he asked if I wanted to do immediate reconstruction - if so, that would push the operation back a few weeks until we located a plastic surgeon. I firmly told him I wasn't interested in even thinking about that at this point and just wanted to move forward eradicating the cancer - now wasn't the time for vanity.

With apologies to anyone reading this who did opt for immediate reconstruction - I can't imagine why a person would do that. It's like pushing dirt under the rug - you don't see it, but you know it's there. Immediate reconstruction would have robbed me of the opportunity to emotionally and physically heal and meet the new me - a little bit more each day. It wasn't easy. My mastectomy scar is almost 10" long, and let me tell you, initially not very pretty. But by having physical therapy and massaging "the site" with vitamin e oil every day, I got to know this new part of my body and now when I see myself in the mirror I truly do see a survivor. I currently have no inclination to investigate reconstruction, even though both my husband and my doctor counsel that I may change my mind some day.

The other option is a prothesis - yes, I have a prescription and the insurance company will buy me one every 2 years and 2 mastectomy bras a year (or some such combination). Want to be boggled - search the internet to try to pick out a breast prothesis. Just do the search. I got 367,000 hits for "breast prothesis" and 59,500 for "post-mastectomy bras." One website listed 11 different types of prothesis - from silicone, to gel, to foam, to fiberfill. Yikes. But nowhere did I find a undergarment answer for those women like me who are perfectly content that this is now their body and would just like to live with what there is.

What's a girl to do? Well for now I've cut out the right cup out of all my very pretty bras and made them not so pretty anymore. After all, I don't want to spend the rest of my life squished in a sports bra do I? I've got a great idea for a website for build-it-yourself single-cup bra's, I just can't figure out how to make the bras. Any ideas - proposals - business partners?

I did find a website breastfree.org, that had a list of the positive reasons women decide against reconstruction and flatter myself that I'm a match.

• They're strong women who don't feel their breasts define their identity.
• They're confident women who know they can look great in clothes without showing lots of cleavage.
• They're active women who want to continue exercising without any restrictions.
• They're mature women who understand that love of spouses, friends and family isn't dependent on having breasts.
  

Wonderful Friends - THE MOVIE

For your viewing pleasure

Click on this two minute video of the day 14 of my Massachusetts friends got together to create a beautiful quilt for me which in their words is to "cover you or wrap around your shoulders during treatments to represent the friends who want to wrap you in their love."

Careful - it's a tear jerker....

Treatment Update

First treatment with port access today. Last week access was left in after insertion, so I wasn't sure what accessing the port would actually be like until today. I must say, it made everything so much easier. Just a quick prick and slight burn with the administration of Lidocaine for numbing and then insertion of the needle which I didn't even feel. A quick 10 minute process with no anxiety, no pain and no boo boo's! I must admit, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be singing the praises of having an "implanted vascular access device." I received my half hour dose of targetted therapy with no problems and was off on my way to the best medicine of the day - meeting my friends Becky and Cindy downtown for lunch.

I did experience a chemotherapy patients worst nightmare today - a windy day. I haven't really been covering my head much unless it's cold, but today since I was going out to lunch I decided to wear a hat - cute little newsboy number - and, yes, it blew off my head. After that I just gave up and went without cover - sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it to worry about it. Like I said to nurse Deb when she was worried that my bandage might show and I was heading out to lunch - it is what it is.

Feelin' Fine

So it's the 5th day since my last Chemotherapy treatment and I'm feeling quite well. On Sunday and part of yesterday, I did have pretty much a "maybe its better if I just lie down" kind of a day, but nothing really bad. I've been able to continue to walk either on the treadmill or outside for at least 1/2 hour every day and I've been able to continue to eat healthy meals. The first couple mornings I switched over to Carnation Instant Breakfast, but this morning had no problem with the pancakes and bacon we had to celebrate my mother's 87th birthday.

I've learned that one key to a successful morning is slowing the process of getting up (although I'm not sure that's possible for me - an expert snooze alarm manipulator). I've found waking up and having a few crackers and something to drink and waiting for 20 - 30 minutes diminishes the chances of long-term upset stomach, which is probably something all of you who have faced morning sickness already knew - but it's news to me. Also, a friend of mine gave me some great ginger chews which have proved to be quite helpful for settling my stomach - especially after eating. I'm working hard to continue to eat right, exercise daily and get enough rest so that the incredible machine we call a human body, aided by some pretty cool science, can do its thing and ensure I have a long and healthy life.

If you have any tips or tricks for getting through chemotherapy, or even just run of the mill stomach ailments, please feel free to share those in the comments section. THANKS!

Wonderful Friends

13 years ago, in the spring of 1995, I took the classified ad I had cut out of the paper and carried around with me for months out of my wallet and picked up the phone. A very warm and caring woman answered on the other end and changed my life! No, I wasn't calling a rehab - I was calling the Suburban Adventure Club (SAC) in Massachusetts. I told her of my circumstances and that I wasn't looking for a dating club, but wanted to take my life in a new direction. In her turn, she convinced me not only to give the club a try, but to go away for a weekend in Martha's Vineyard with a group of complete strangers. Believe it or not, I agreed. Those strangers, some I met that very first weekend, and others I met over the next months and years, have turned into some of the most important people in my life ( I did eventually meet my husband through the club). I can honestly say that without the lifeline of these friends, those first days and weeks of my diagnosis and surgeries would have been a completely different experience. Cards, letters, emails and gifts came pouring across the border to brighten my days and help me remember there were people out there who cared about me.

Then, a few weeks ago, a gift that cannot adequately be described in words arrived (see photo). They had a quilting day and made me a beautiful quilt which will allow me to wrap myself in their love and caring, not only as I continue through my treatment, but for the rest of my life. There have been very few times when I have cried through this process, mostly when I'm tired, but when I opened the package and realized the extent of what I was holding in my hands, I could not stop the tears (as I cannot stop them now as I write this). You may have noticed my new quilt in the Chemotherapy #2 treatment photos from last week, and you can be sure that you will see it in all the remaining treatment sessions.

Support is such an important part of cancer treatment. There are as many ways to support a cancer patient as there are patients that need that support. Just take a minute to think through what the person you know needs most – sometimes it’s a dinner or a ride and sometimes it’s just to be treated like a person without cancer and then a lot of the time, it’s just to let them know you love and care about them. And, as my friends have shown, there is the completely unexpected, and forever treasured.

One Busy Day

Today was quite a busy day! I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 and checked in at Registration, and yes, of course, there was some confusion surrounding my procedure and my chemotherapy. The person helping me had to get assistance to figure out what to do - nothing is ever easy. Eventually they figured it out and sent me on my way and I arrived at Radiology at 7:00 on the dot. I was called quickly from the waiting room to head to pre-op where a nurse inserted an IV line, checked vital signs and went over paperwork with me. Next a Physician's Assistant came in and went over the device and described how the procedure would work. Off we went to the operating room - get this - 15 minutes early. I received sedation through my IV and then some localized injections. I felt some pressure, which I understand was the manipulation of the catheter into the vein and seemed to be awake the whole time - the PA kept popping his head under the sheet that was stretched over me to check on me, he was very entertaining. I didn't experience any pain, other than some stiffness in my throat, which went away after the Oncology nurse changed the bandage for me. It didn't really seem to take too long and I was whisked off to recovery. This photo is in the recovery room after my english muffin and ginger ale! I left Recovery for Oncology at a little after noon time.


When I arrived at Oncology, I met with Dr. Muss who after a brief discussion decided to cancel my Neulasta shot tomorrow, it turns out that I have good bone marrow to start with and for women in my age group the medicine only drops the chance of infection from 8% to 4%, so the payoff for the pain I had from the injection wasn't there. Finished with Dr. Muss off I went to the clinic for my treatment. First blood was drawn (through my new port) for my genetics testing (more on than in a later post) and the saline and nausea medication drips were attached. Because my appointment was originally scheduled for yesterday, the computer hadn't
caught up with the change and there was some issue with the Pharmacy in getting my drugs mixed. I didn't start my Taxotere until 2:30, which meant with 3 drugs, I was there until a little after 5:00. It was great to have the drugs going in through the port - it left both my hands free, which makes it much easier when you have to pull your IV pole with you to the bathroom, to eat, and just to be comfortable while receiving treatment.

While I was having treatment, in the chair across from me was a woman in her 30's with her mother. They were obviously close and enjoying each others company. It made me quite sad that my mother can no longer provide that kind of comfort for me. She doesn't really understand what is happening and she certainly wouldn't be able to come to the clinic with me to provide comfort. It's an odd feeling to have my parents with me, but not have them really engaged with what is happening to me. Most of the time I'm fine with the way things are, but there are sometimes, I'd just like to be sick and not have to explain it all over and over again.

The day surely ended on a bright note - I have such wonderful friends who have all been so supportive - when I returned home today from this long day of treatment, there was a box of from Harry & David from a friend in Massachusetts. That was a great treat to come home to!

Any Port in a Storm

Well, it looks like the drama associated with IV 's will be soon be over. At a meeting at the clinic today, it was decided that I will receive a port implant on Thursday morning to help me weather the tempest that is chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatment delivery. The port is "installed" in my chest during a brief surgical procedure under local anesthesia. My procedure is scheduled for 7:00 am and once I've recovered, I'll be able to receive my chemotherapy treatment (a change from Wednesday to Thursday for those of you following along).

I spoke to a woman who had a port during my treatment last week, and it appears to be quite easy to manage, nothing bothersome and makes everything that much easier. Since I will be having treatments for a year it sure makes a lot of sense, and will take the worry of whether or not it will be a difficult insertion or not out of the chemotherapy equation. For anyone who knows me, I have a tendency to suck it up - just ask anyone who's heard my rant about how the doctor's never give me any drugs and everyone else gets all kinds of drugs. I've finally realized that this is the one time in my life I'm probably allowed to be a little less tough and there really is no need to have IV anxiety for another year.

For more info on Ports, please see link under Breast Cancer Links.

On another note. Today was my first day out and about in the world with no hat and my new "hair". I did go out on Saturday, but it was cold and I wore a hat. Today was in the 60's and I went au naturale to the hospital, Walmart, Marshalls, the Humane Society, the Bank, TJ Max, Rite Aid and P&C, so I guess I'm ok with how it looks now - hopefully will continue that when it's all gone. It felt great - it was warm and a little breezy - I've decided I can't wait to jump in the pool and feel the water on my head. A friend of mine once said hair is highly overrated and I'm beginning to believe him. Showers are shorter, no hair to blow dry, and definitely no bad hair days. Of course, I'm saying all this while I still have a little bit of hair on my head - I may change my mind once I've lost the last of it, but for now it's rather freeing.