Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Gone Today, Hair Tomorrow

I had a Herceptin treatment today at the clinic and was surprised by how odd I felt being there with my hair back. It's only been three weeks since my last visit, but my hair now could pass for a chosen hairstyle and my PA, doctor and the nurses all commented on how it has grown back. But among the other patients I felt almost like an interloper - no longer such an obvious member of the cancer survivor club. Women will no longer stop me in the street, store, airport or sandwich shop and encourge me with their stories of survival - it is now my responsibility to watch for others to encourage. Unfortunately, as I was having these thoughts my husband called me to tell me of yet another woman we know who is bravely facing the breast cancer experience. Another card to send, another woman to keep in my prayers, and another survivor to celebrate with.

Having gone through the experience, I want to tell all those women who are worried about their hair loss that it's not that big a deal, there are so many more things to think about - and be thankful for - and, after all, it will grow back. But it's like telling a young woman planning her wedding to take the money and put a down payment on a house - once you've been there, it's easy to say, but not so much if you haven't yet had the experience.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Thoughts on Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Love Pray


In June we took a trip to visit Charlie's parents, and his sister and her partner in Florida. It was the first time I had been away since my parents moved in with us in October 2006, so it was a much anticipated break as well as the opportunity to see my wonderful in-laws who had been so supportive - I really looked forward to those in-person hugs. We had a great visit and spent one day on Clearwater Beach doing nothing but reading and watching the surf. I read Eat Love Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert, which my friends had given me while I was in the hospital. I had a tough time getting into it, but once I got through the section on gluttony in Italy, I enjoyed the book which is subtitled "one woman's search for everything across Italy, India and Indonesia." I found two particular parts of the book quite interesting - the first provides a way of looking at our time here on earth in a new light and the second put into words what I couldn't about my approach to my appearance during the surgery and treatment phase of my breast cancer journey.


The first is a conversation between the author and a medicine man in Bali about the difference between heaven and hell. The medicine man says "you can tell the difference because for heaven you go up, through seven happy places and hell you go down through seven sad places." The author responds with "You might as well spend your life going upward through the happy places, since heaven and hell -- the destinations -- are the same thing anyway?" and the medicine man answers "Same in the end, so better to be happy on the journey." That just so hit home for me - not that I'm looking to change my basic protestant beliefs, but really - why not go through happy instead of sad???


The second quote is from a woman named Armenia who runs Novica who as an explanation of what it means to be a Brazilian woman says "...Even in the worst tragedies and crisis, there's no reason to add to everyone's misery by looking miserable yourself. This is why I always work makeup and jewelry into the jungle...Just enough to show that I still had my self-respect." I had no idea why I was so determined to always look the best I could, always with eyeliner, lipstick and blush - always dressed well to go to the doctors or the clinic, but as soon as I read that passage - I knew I agreed with her - it's totally a matter of self-respect - a very important trait to hold on to during the battle with cancer!

Well Hello There

It's been 2 months since my last post and I've really got no good reason other than I wanted to take a little break from cancer for the summer. Although I could take a break from blogging and talking about cancer, I certainly couldn't take a break from my treatment, which continued and moved forward over the last few months. I'll be outlining those in the next few posts.

But mostly I spent this summer worrying about someone elses health - my husband, Charlie. This spring, he was diagnosed with Atrial Fibrillation which is when the heart's two upper chambers (the atria) beat irregularly or out of coordination with the two lower chambers (the ventricles) of the heart, causing high blood pressure and increased risk of stroke and other heart problems. In early July he had electrical cardioversion which is the resetting of the rythm of the heart with an electrical shock delivered to the heart through paddles or patches placed on the chest. The shock stops the heart's electrical activity for a split second. When the heart begins again, the hope is that it resumes its normal rhythm. The procedure is performed under anesthesia. And, finally, during the search for a cause for the A-Fib, it was discovered he has moderate obstructive sleep apnea which is caused by a blockage of the airway, usually when the soft tissue in the rear of the throat collapses during sleep. He is awaiting a device that will help him keep his air passages open during sleep, and hopefully lower his blood pressure and cure a whole list of Apnea symptoms.